Imma bout to get a little personal up in here.
I was in a long term relationship that could not be salvaged. No matter how much we cared for each other, we did not click. Our differences caused new fights and recurring fights. Because who doesn’t love to dwell on unresolved issues rather than move on, right?
I remember the last night I saw him.
We had so many fights before that night. Before every fight, we both would get that pinching feeling in the pit of our stomach that was something was wrong and that something needed to be fixed before we can continue our happy relationship. We would get mad, vent, yell, cry and always (finally) put our feelings and/or differences aside and makeup in the end. Until the last night.
I stood in our kitchen cooking dinner and there was something wrong, but I didn’t feel anything. I listened to music, sauteed vegetables and made a steak for us. He came home with a bottle of wine which was a kind gesture knowing my day wasn’t easy and there was something bothering me.
As I tried to open up, he talked over me, but I didn’t care to interrupt. I didn’t get mad, vent, yell or cry. For a brief moment that night, I stood there feeling nothing for the person in front of me.
Rather than disagree, share or get upset – I stopped responding.
The next morning I packed a bag and decided to stay at a cheap hotel near work for the remainder of the week.
There was no ache in my stomach and no pinching feeling to fix.
I decided to leave when I stopped caring.
We were so different that we did not know how to appreciate each other’s efforts in the relationship and build a life on our shared ideas or beliefs. My former significant other is a good person who deserves to be loved, but we, as a couple, were not a good fit.
How does this relate to the Full-Time Chime blog all about careers?
I sat in a meeting sitting across from someone that I have been working with. I dreaded this meeting. Another meeting, another disagreement. They don’t understand the value I put in and my background as a marketing professional. They will always value their marketing opinion over mine.
I sat in a meeting and instead of fighting, I nodded along because I stopped caring.
As I nodded along, I okayed them for two hours without sharing a single idea. I lost all feeling of drive and creativity. I recalled that empty feeling I had two years ago in the kitchen I shared with my ex. I realized this working relationship was not a good fit.
I can’t pack a bag, because I have bills to pay and nowhere to go.
How do you handle yourself in front of your peers between that moment of realizing you need to leave and your last day?
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