A State of Disturbance

turmoil [ tur-moil ]

Noun: a state of great commotion, confusion, or disturbance; tumult; agitation; disquiet:mental turmoil caused by difficult decisions.

It was late at night. I was intoxicated after day drinking and then going out for dinner and wine. I walked inside my childhood home. A place I didn’t expect to be living during my mid-twenties. The house was dark and my aunt staying over asked me if I was okay. 

Instead of responding I collapsed to the ground and started sobbing uncontrollably. 

It’s a sad picture, I know

An immediate family member was in the hospital for the millionth time, human resources informed me that my job was being relocated to a different country and my romantic life could not be more complicated. 

I didn’t have a sense of stability and my foundation was collapsing, and I did with it quite literally after my last drink.  

Let me be honest, this was recent. So how could I offer advice when I am still going through this feeling? I created Full-Time Chime to offer advice on the things I have already overcome, not share my problems like a sad diary. 

The next morning I woke up without a hangover, #BLESSED, and realized there is something that my job, family and love interests can never take away from me. My interests, hobbies and experience. 

I took a hot shower and picked my camera for an evening of shooting pictures. There is something calming about getting lost in the work that we like to do. Nobody can take this skill or desire away. The camera is mine and editing is my own personal form of meditation. 

So my life is still in a state of turmoil, but for a few hours, I know how to feel calm and grounded.

PS: When I originally woke I up I watched Eat, Pray, Love. It reminded me of everything I was going through. It was dreadful. Who wants to be reminded of everything they are going through?

PSS: Alternative option to hobbies: watch a scary movie. There is something about jump scares from a demon or ghost that really takes the edge off.

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