What I Have I Learned While Dating
I’ve finally decided to write about my dating life. Normally I only disclose my dating and intimate life with my closest friends. But dating is a topic I want to talk about on Full-Time Chime. Rather than doing multiple posts I am going to combine all the blog posts I have drafted into one long one. I am pulling the trigger and getting it all over with.
Highlights of Being Single and Dating
- I have learned how and when to put myself first.
- Meeting new people is fun, and dating around is not a bad thing.
- I am more confident with who I am now than who I was 2+ year ago.
“What are you looking for?“
Have you ever been asked “what you are looking for?” I hate this question, depending on the time it is asked. If this is asked before meeting someone or on the first date, it is too soon. If this is asked a few dates in, I might be able to answer.
Let me explain.
1. I look for different things with different people. Perhaps after a couple of dates I realize we are better off as friends.
2. If I tell them I enjoy being single (which has been the case), do I risk a good guy not taking me seriously?
3. If I tell them I would be open to the idea of a relationship, would I scare someone off?
After a period of time I can determine what I would like with someone – friendship, relationship…or perhaps neither (it could be a first and last date).
I have come up with a routine response when asked what I am looking for.
I am not hunting for anything. If I meet someone I like, and they feel the same way, I am open to the idea of a relationship. If we don’t feel that way I am happy to be friends. Right now, I am simply happy seeing friends and working hard.
A guy recently described me as a “selective feminist.”
Could this be an accurate description of me and other women out there? Yes. Actually, no. Well, Maybe.
I have been open about my views on feminism when featured on My Llianas. A year ago I answered a few questions for the Women’s Wednesday blog. I received a handful of questions and most were easy to answer. Except the very last one; what does feminism mean to you?
Because of stereotypes that are associated with labels, I chose to not label myself. So I gave My Llianas my answer; I do not consider myself to be a feminist.
When I am at work, I expect to be treated as an equal to my male peers. If I am doing my job, I expect to be getting paid for it. I believe diversity will drive new ideas and expansion. I am well aware of some amazing women in this world that have left a positive impact.
When it comes to dating however, is it wrong to want to be feminine or to want to be the woman in a relationship after 5 PM?
Textbook Perfect (Is Stupid)
I have witnessed so many women describe the perfect man. But it sounds like they are describing a character from a Hallmark movie.
He has money, he finds the time to workout 2 hours a day so you are held in the warm embrace of a six pack and still make your breakfast in the morning. And he will quit his job just to spend time with you and kids, but somehow still give you the lifestyle you want just .
I’m sorry to break the news to you, but that perfect guy is going to be really hard to find and secondly, looking for perfection is stupid.
Find someone that you naturally connect with and have realistic expectations. Men are people with busy lives, feelings and bills to pay too.
A few things that matter to me and I’m sure to many of you (men and women):
- Compatible lifestyle (health, hobbies etc.)
- Similar sense of humor
- Similar family values and religious views
- Ability to agree upon what to watch next on Netflix. This one is hard, but it might help you figure out who “the one” is.
It’s Okay to Not Be Monogamous
After how many dates do you determine if you want or should be monogamous? For me it might be 3.
I have been judged for my non-monogamous ways, but why should I turn away someone else after just one or two dates? When we are looking for a new job a hiring manager is expected to interview multiple people to determine who is a qualified candidate. If I might spend months, years or the rest of my life with someone, shouldn’t I allow myself to do the same?
I love dating apps.
Before dating I already found myself with more guy friends than girlfriends, and because of that I looked forward to meeting new people while dating. Apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge have left me with more male friends than romantic relationships, and I love it. These few dating apps have allowed me to meet new people outside of my social circle and form connections.
Perhaps I should explore Bumble BFF more.
Ladies: If we start to put in the same amount of effort into Bumble BFF as we do dating apps during our single life, we can have larger social circles! Perhaps I will reactivate my account and treat this feature with the same level of effort.
I remember the first time I ate in public alone while traveling for work a few years ago. I asked the server for a table for one. And she promptly seated me and removed the extra glass, plate and silverware in front of me. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Do I text? Chat on the phone? Take out my laptop?
I was exhausted, so I enjoyed a glass of red wine and ate my meal while I let my mind wonder. I thought about my life and current projects.
It was surprisingly peaceful.
It was a moment when I realized I can be with myself focusing on my own needs and desires.
Whether you are single or in a relationship, don’t forget to make time for you. The right person will encourage you to take care of yourself and pursue your passions outside of any relationship.
Up Next: Horror Stories
I am currently working on gathering horror stories for the month of October. If you would like to be featured please submit a horror stories by using the contact button below and you might be featured!
Choose your own topic, I just want to the horrific details.