Give me a sign

Not many people know I was raised catholic, taught CCD to kids as a volunteer after high school, and went to a catholic university. Not many people know this about me because I do not consider myself to be a relgious person. You will never catch me at church and when some pray before eating, I respectfully say “cheers” instead of “amen.”

I believe in ghosts. I believe in a higher power. But, was Jesus just a kind person and skilled magician? Could there be more than one God? Don’t even get me started on the show Ancient Aliens. Maybe we mistook other living beings as God(s).

Work hard or pray hard?

After years of questioning my own faith, completing my religous studies courses while attending Seton Hall University, and studying abroad in Sri Lanka and India to study both religion and global business, I came to the conclusion that I do believe in a single higher power.

Now what? I still do not pray. I still do not go to church. And you will never find a bible in my room. Maybe a cross necklace, but that is sometimes a fashion statement.

If there is one thing I also realized over the last decade of falling down and picking myself up repeadily it is that if I want something I have to work for it. If I want that job, I will have to put together a portfolio. If I want to ace a test, I will have to study. If I want to earn more money as marketer, I will have to prove I bring value with leads.

So I believe in a higher power, but is it god giving me the job or is it my work ethic and ability to get it done?

The Last Five Years

Five years ago I was driving away from the Seton Hall campus after a digital marketing class. Our professor kept telling us to listen to a marketing podcast. He mentioned podcasting just about every single time we met.

I hit play on the marketing and business ones he recommended. They were boring. Not because I do not have a passion for marketing, but because I did not want to listen to a topic I had been studying all day on campus. I decided to hit the pause button on the marketing podcast and continue driving.

If I had a podcast, what would it be about? I thought to myself.

I lost my train of thought getting stuck behind a truck slowing me down while already preparing to get stuck in traffic.

I wonder what a truck driver has to deal with on a regular basis? Do they have to spend a significant amount of time away from their family? Are they lonely on the road?

It immediately hit me. If I had a podcast I would love to know about the struggles people face at work, how their career effects their life, or the obstacles faced to land the job they have today.

I had the idea of this podcast five years ago. FIVE. YEARS. Do you know what happened in the last five years? A whole lot of shit.

As a friend recently said to me, “if your 20s are not a rollercoaster ride, you are doing your 20s wrong.”

So my podcast was put on hold because of budgeting, student loans, moving back home, traveling, getting hired, getting laid off, finding a new job, finding another new job and so on. Everytime I tried to pick up this project I was forced to put it down.

I was never standing still.

Until quarantine hit us all. I was suddenly no longer getting stuck in traffic. I was no longer switching jobs. I was no longer working late. And I could no longer distract myself with dating, seeing friends or spontaneous trips.

I was suddenly standing still all of the time.

I decided to pick up a book, “3000 Questions About Me.” I like diary form writing in case you couldn’t tell. This book lists 3,000 questions to answer about yourself with enough space for 1-2 sentences. Perhaps I can do some self discovery during my downtime.

I need a sign

Quarantine continued. We all experienced days, weeks, and now months of uncertainty.

I quickly saw my physical and mental health take a hit during another rollercoaster ride. I struggled to adjust working from home and concetrating on new projects. A new romantic relationship was on the rocks because of time apart. I found myself not eating or sleeping. Hobbies like painting and working out didn’t fill the void of missing my busy life.

And, because I can build walls higher than trump could ever imagine, I didn’t admit how I felt to my family, friends, former signficant other and supervisor soon enough. The stress of this pandemic took over which lead to an anxiety attack.

Next, I asked for help.

Okay God, if you exist I need a sign. Here I am, praying. What do I do?

But this time, I wasn’t alone. The entire world was experiencing the same stress that I was. Friends were getting laid off, people were moving back home, and life plans were put on hold. I remembered what I wanted my podcast to be about – all about careers and life in between. As lockdown loosened I met with my friend and I brought up the idea of my podcast. She loved the idea of recording together as a co-host.

A sign, and another sign

Weeks went by. I decided to keep writing in my book of 3000 questions before we started recording. The first one I reached that day was question 684; “if you could be a host for a day would you host a game show, award show, or what?” In a weird way I felt like this was a sign, even as someone who believes that I am supposed to take control if I want something.

I thought it was a weird coincidence, took a picture of the question, continued to answer questions, did not read ahead, and put the book down.

That day I could not stop thinking about that question and the possibility of really starting a podcast. I decided to pick up my book once more to continue answering questions. I had no idea what question was going to come next. I opened it to next one, question 710; “if you started your own podcast what would it be about and what’s the title?”

I called my friend, I told we have to start this podcast.

Coming this month will be the Full-Time Chime podcast. My co-host Felicia and I will be diving into our own obstacles and down the road we hope to interview others about their own career and the life lessons they learned along the way.

I may not have a bible by my bedside, but I will recognize a sign when I see one. And today, I have faith in what I am meant to work on next.

Stay tuned, Full-Time Chime the podcast is launching this month.

Please visit fulltimechime.com/podcast to share your question or story about work and life in between. It can be the good, the bad, or the funny. Enough about me, I want to hear from you.

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