Trigger warning: This blog post contains offensive language, discusses relationships that might be upsetting, and discussion of psychology from someone who is not an expert.
I want to post this and move on
First, *insert the rapper snoop dog voice*, I would like to thank me, myself, and I for pulling myself up again….Okay, and to some people close to me: Thanks.
Relationships of all kinds have been on my mind. From January – February I went through a bad break-up, my social media was (very likely with evidence) hacked by someone I know, and when I decided to take a step forward to get over it by posting a picture in mid-February, the next day, there was a broken window in our house (nobody got it). I also can not confirm if the attempted break-in was related; the timing is just odd and discomforting.
After writing my thoughts, I realized I struggled to organize them, draw a conclusion and share a life lesson. I was trying to understand human behavior that does not make sense to me. I was trying to put the puzzle pieces together of an on-and-off relationship of over 2 years with someone who was not the person I thought they were. And, I don’t understand why someone would want to be an asshole. I can detect when someone might be an asshole, but when actions catch me off guard I wish I could understand their reason or motives. I went into business and marketing, not psychology.
The Fight-Flight-Freeze-F*ck-It Response
And, as someone who did not go into psychology, I should mention the last F featured in the stress response of the header above is not part of the defined stress response mentioned in any textbook or credible digital asset found online. But, if you would like to learn more, it is typically referred to as “Fight-Flight-Freeze” or the “Fight or Flight” stress response.
If you don’t know what the stress response is:
According to healthline.com, the fight–flight–freeze response is your body’s natural reaction to danger. It’s a type of stress response that helps you react to perceived threats, like an oncoming car or growling dog. The response instantly causes hormonal and physiological changes. These changes allow you to act quickly so you can protect yourself.
Why am I mentioning this? The stress response is a response to a perceived threat or danger. But what happens when you experience stress back to back to back? Maybe not something that is a direct physical threat, but is it possible to just reach a point and say, “ah, f*ck it”?
Stress has become the norm for me that I realized I was so used to picking myself up, and without realizing, I thought, why pick myself up again? I stopped writing. I didn’t care about releasing episodes I recorded in December and January. I lost my appetite and my desire to connect with new people. And, I didn’t care about putting in extra effort into anything.
It is a strange feeling. Family, friends, and relationships I cut off before this still allowed me to look back on as good times. Now, I can’t perceive a single moment with someone I grew close to as real at all. It distorted my reality which is one of the most messed up things one person can do to another.
Do we continue to not care when the threat is gone?
I don’t think so. I’m not a mental health professional, but I think people will likely naturally go back to normal, a new normal, or ask for help to go back to normal. I’d like to say I have become chill zero-fucks given type of cool girl. But I’m not. I’m not always going to want to kick back and do nothing. Maybe, pickier about people I spend my time with, less adventurous, and less trusting – but that’s all. It seems common with age. But I just spent 2 hours writing, answered a text from a guy who I agreed to go on a first date with, and I just made plans to meet up with my friend outside the city when she visits in the next week or two. And now, back to work to submit a report before I get fired. I have 53 minutes. Shit.
Oh right, wait, the advice before I post…it’s okay to step back when you want to say “fuck-it” to rest – just don’t let that be your mentality 100% of the time going forward. Seems like there will always be moments that will disappoint us (small or crazy OMFG what just happened moments), but don’t let some asshole ruin your life and personality. Nobody should have that power over your entire life.